Today I want to talk about self-sabotaging. Now I can’t be 100% sure, but I’m fairly certain that we’ve all done that to ourselves at some point. It may not have had anything to do with weight loss, but if you’re like me then it that’s what it most often has to do with.
Since I’ve started sharing my weight loss journey online on YouTube and this blog, I noticed the same pattern happening every time I approach a weigh-in. Here’s how it goes:
3-4 days before the weigh-in: Oh crap that’s coming up faster than I thought. I’m excited to share what’s been going on but I’m nervous about where my numbers will be because I have a bad habit of letting how successful I feel depend on numbers instead of habits, good choices, and non-scale victories.
2 days before the weigh-in: Let’s eat way too large of portions and make less than stellar food choices because I don’t know where my weight will be on weigh-in day and uncertainty is unbearable so if I eat poorly then at least I can predict what my weight will do! (Yeah, it’ll go up! Ugh.) Sometimes I’m able to recognize and resist this urge, but often I am not.
1 day before weigh-in: Well, what’s done is done. I could try to make some drastic choices today to get just a little lower for tomorrow…but no, I’m trying to do this the right way, which means not restricting.
That’s what happens every time. Seriously every time. You’d think I would be better at managing this cycle by now but it still gets me. I didn’t anticipate how nerve-wracking it would be to say my weight on the internet. I suppose since it’s something I don’t tell people in person and this is going to a much wider, unknown, uncontrolled audience I should have expected the anxiety it would cause. I’m hoping that by acknowledging this mental tango I do before every weigh-in I can bring more awareness to it and be able to make better choices when it’s happening.
Screenshots from my LoseIt! app for 6/9/17
Screenshot from my Fitbit app for 6/9/17
Today’s exercise: I took a walk for about 20 minutes and did some light stretching. Not a stellar workout but it’s better than nothing.
Today’s food: As I’m sure you guessed based on the topic above, I was not super happy with my food choices today (the day before my halfway point weigh-in). I ended up 430 calories over my daily goal. Now that’s a lot, but coming from someone who used to binge on a lot more, I’ve seen worse. What I’m most disappointed in is the choice I made for dinner. Breakfast and lunch were healthy, normal choices, but for dinner I made dessert hummus and ate all of it. Not only was this almost an entire day’s worth of calories, it was a high sugar, low nutrition choice that left me feeling gross afterwards (in the way that only loads of sugar can..bleck).
Today’s calorie totals: 2328 consumed – 2413 burned = -85 kcal. Still a loss overall but knowing my body, I will put on some weight/water weight because of the junky dinner I had, which makes me not super excited for tomorrow’s halfway point weigh-in.